I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did I show you my penis last night?
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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