You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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