guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
