i just made my gag reflex go away.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
