Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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