just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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