All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
