It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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