ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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