u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
