I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
