why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
