He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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