So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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