My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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