oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
