I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
