My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
