Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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