Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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