I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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