Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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