Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What happened to fro yo and sex?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
