Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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