It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Drake has all the answers
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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