I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
