Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize