I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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