The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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