My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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