call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
