I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
