I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
