So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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