we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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