I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
