Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
