She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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