ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
