I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can i not drive my cunt home
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
