I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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