Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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