is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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