get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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