dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
