checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
