Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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