Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
