Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
