Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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