It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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