There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
