No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
