Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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