no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
