so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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