Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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