She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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