mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
