I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
