i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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