I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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